When Your Child Feels Like They Don’t Belong Prayer
It’s hard for us parents when our child feels like they don’t belong. This prayer can guide you as you help your child who is having trouble fitting in.
When Your Child Feels Like They Don’t Belong Prayer
Father God,
It is hard to see my child struggling and not be able to fix the world for them.
As a parent, I try to protect my child.
I put on a brave face while dealing with hard emotions myself.
Help me be truly present with my child.
Please give me the wisdom to listen more attentively to their struggles.
Remind me that I don’t have to solve the problem for them, I just need to be present.
Help me share stories to help explain what it feels like not to belong.
Show me how to remind them that God is always with them.
May they know that God knew them before they were created,
And like a good parent, God is always blessing them.
God, send them the right person to speak helpful truth in a hard situation.
Help me hold them when they are hurting or feeling left out.
I entrust my child to you, because they were first yours and your love for them is immeasurable.
In Jesus name I give thanks and praise. Amen.
My personal experiences helping my child handle feeling of not belonging
Feeling like we don’t belong is something we have all experienced. But how do we help our children navigate that feeling while also holding space for them to grow from the experience of feeling left out?
Feeling isolated, lonely and left out during the pandemic
I had to wrestle with this during the pandemic. It was a time when there was so much unknown, fear and division. Many of us sheltered-in-place and felt isolated. Right before the pandemic I gave birth to my second child. Three months post-partum the world shut down. Not having family around to celebrate and help with the new addition to our family was very hard.
This was especially hard for my then three-year-old son. He was used to going to Mother’s Day out, having playdates with friends, and going to grandma’s house. But during the pandemic we weren’t allowed to play with friends, visit family or even go to the park. Our kids missed out on birthdays and holiday celebrations. Many milestones were only shared via skype or Facetime.
The effects on my child
Before entering the pandemic, my oldest son was potty trained, and he regressed quite drastically during the pandemic. I know that this is typical when big life changes happen, like having a new baby around, but we will never know which was the true cause for him. He also became very clingy with me and my husband.
Even today, four years later, he is very hesitant to leave our side. We noticed this has affected him socially. When he is invited to a birthday party he will not participate until he feels comfortable, if at all. People may characterize him as very shy, but this side of him only occurs in large social settings. Our youngest also wasn’t too keen on being held by anyone other than myself or my husband. For the first year of his life, he only knew our little tribe of four.
Writing a story about someone who feels they don’t belong
As parents we try to protect our children. We put on a brave face while also dealing with hard emotions ourselves. During the pandemic I came up with a story for my kids, to help explain what it feels like not to belong. They enjoyed the story so much that I decided to write it down so I wouldn’t forget it.
The thought about making it into a book came to mind but so much was going on and then we moved from Arkansas to Texas that I didn’t pursue it any further. Then last year the Lord tugged at my heart to pursue this dream of sharing this story with others.
I was very hesitant but shared it with a friend, just wanting to get some feedback from someone that wasn’t related to me. After I sent it to our friend, he kept asking me “so when are you making this into a book? This story needs to be out in the world.” That was such a wonderful affirmation of what the Lord had been pointing me to do. I decided to take a writing workshop, shared it with my classmates and they all wanted to see this come to life too. It’s been a journey of faith and love that has finally led me to write and publish this book.
The story takes place in a zoo. The main character is a little turtle that hatches in the monkey exhibit and realizes right away that he doesn’t belong there.
With his two new monkey friends, the baby turtle goes on a journey in which he encounters challenges, bullies, and personal doubts. In the end he makes it back home; the one place where he feels safe and like he truly belongs.
One of the underlying messages of my book is that we are never alone. God is always with us. He knew us before we were created in our mother’s womb. Like a good parent, he is always looking out for us. He will send us the right person to speak truth in a hard situation. He will guide us to a passage that will shine light on a question we have been wrestling with. All we must do is seek him, ask him, and listen. I have learned that the quieter I am the louder God can speak.
Apply God’s wisdom to parenting a child struggling with feelings of not belonging
We can apply God’s wisdom to our parenting too. When our kids are struggling with anything, we must seek them, ask them to speak to us, and then just listen. We don’t have to solve the problem for them, but we do need to be present. The more we seek to listen, the more our children will share.
Here are some Bible verses that my children and I often turn to for comfort:
- Psalms 139:13 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
- Psalms 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well.”
- Psalms 46:11 “The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
- Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
- Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you.”
What the experts say when a child doesn’t fit in
Many experts agree that the feeling of not fitting in can have negative effects on our children.
Children may feel lonely. They may be afraid to try new things. They may show signs of anxiety, depression and fear rejection. Their schoolwork can suffer. And they may avoid social interactions.
You know your child best; my advice is to be intentional about your interactions with your child so you can be attuned to changes in their behavior and overall emotional state. I believe a parent’s prayer is powerful, but we must also seek help when we need it. Loneliness and not fitting in can cause big negative feelings in our children. If your child continues to have long term stress about not belonging, seek help from teachers, the school counselor, or other professionals.
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