This Abuse Prayer makes overcoming and surviving possible with God’s help. Using prayer and God’s truth to replace the doubts about your self worth is a powerful means of recovery. Here are nine strong Biblical affirmations to counteract abusive behavior.
To begin, prayerfully ask God if your life or the life of someone you know fits the pattern of an abusive relationship
Here’s a typical case of how an abusive relationship might evolve in homes across the world. I am using the names Shawn and Tracy because they are not gender specific – the abused and the abuser can be either sex or even the same sex.
One partner gets more invested in the relationship and begins to be criticized.
Two people get married or agree to a live-in arrangement such as an adult child moving in with a parent. Everything appears to be wonderful. As one person, Shawn, gets more invested in the relationship through children, time, finances and emotions the other person, Tracy, begins to change the way he/she acts towards Shawn. Tracy starts making Shawn feel as though he/she can’t do anything right.
No matter how hard they try to make the other person happy, the other partner finds something else that’s their fault. Every time Shawn changes to make Tracy happy, Tracy has something else that Shawn is doing wrong. Tracy points out any mistake Shawn makes and finds a way to make other problems Shawn’s fault.
More power is given to away to the dominant partner and they heap on blame. Tracy takes over making the big decisions because Shawn has been repeatedly shown that he/she is not capable. Tracy convinces Shawn it is best if Tracy makes the decisions, and possibly even handles the finances. Often if Shawn challenges Tracy to be included Shawn is reminded of all the things for which he/she has been blamed. Tracy may use belittling, or name calling such as “You are crazy.” or “What makes you think you can do this?”
The abused person tries to keep the peace to stay safe or protect others. A person in an abusive situation whether it is physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or spiritual abuse, may find himself/herself giving up who he/she is to become who the abuser wants him/her to be in order to keep the peace, stay safe and keep others safe.
As an example, Shawn may have made a covenant of marriage before God thinking he/she is valued and respected by Tracy. But Shawn found that Tracy had a different perspective of marriage or a different agenda.
Shawn may try for years to keep the peace because others who are innocent bystanders such as children, friends or extended family, and even pets will be the recipients of Tracy’s abusive and controlling behavior if Shawn fights back.
The abuser may act perfectly charming and normal around others. Tracy may look and act as though everything is perfect when he/she is around others. He/she presents himself/herself as being so respectable that no one would believe Shawn even if he/she tried to tell someone what is happening. Tracy may even fabricate stories about Shawn to the extent that Tracy is considered “a saint” for staying with Shawn.
Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. This scenario, whether on a national level or in a home is abusive. It is not always physical abuse which others may be able to see. Instead, it can be an emotionally abusive situation, which can be covered up so outsiders suspect nothing and Shawn is even taught to believe that it is not abuse because Tracy has convinced Shawn that it is Shawn’s fault.
In an abusive relationship the other person is telling you who you should be. He/she dictates who you are, what you are allowed to do, where you go, who you see and much more. You find yourself accepting their beliefs and opinions as the truth. You listen to them and he/she calls the shots.
He/she develops an environment in which you, in order to stay emotionally safe, had to make him/her your higher power. This is when emotional abuse also includes spiritual abuse.
If we examine scripture we find that scripture contradicts the abusive and controlling behavior of individuals who act in a way similar to Tracy. Use these truths from the Bible as you pray to free yourself from abuse.
Biblical contradiction against abuse One: God comes before all other. You cannot worship two higher powers at once.
If you are in a controlling relationship then the person in control is manipulating the situation so that you turn to them for everything, eventually immobilizing you so that you are unable to make decisions without his/her approval.
But the one we are to go to, the one we should place first in our lives, is God. The first commandment given to Moses was, “Put no other Gods before me.” This is the first contradiction between scripture and a controlling, abusive relationship.
Abuse Prayer affirmation: You alone are God. No one else should play a god-like role in my life.
Exodus 20:3 You shall have no other gods before me. (All scriptures quoted in this article are from the New American Standard Version of the Bible.)
Matthew 22:36 – 40 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
Deuteronomy 10:21 He is the one you should praise. He is your God. He has done great and amazing things for you. You have seen them with your own eyes.
Romans 1:25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
Deuteronomy 6:5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Two: God is judge of all. No person is qualified to judge.
The second contradiction is that the abuser is a person and as a person he/she is not omniscient or omnipresent. He/she does not have the knowledge or understanding to judge you.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: God, I affirm that no single person is completely qualified to judge me.
Psalm 9:7-8 But the Lord abides forever; He has established His throne for judgment, And He will judge the world in righteousness; He will execute judgment for the peoples with equity.
Deuteronomy 1:17 You shall not fear man, for the judgment is God’s.
Psalm 96:13 Before the Lord, for He is coming, For He is coming to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness And the peoples in His faithfulness.
Psalm 135:14 For the Lord will judge His people And will have compassion on His servants.
Psalm 37:28 For the Lord loves justice And does not forsake His godly ones; They are preserved forever, But the descendants of the wicked will be cut off.
Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.
In other words contradictions 1 and 2 support that the abuser may act in a way that makes you feel inferior but that places them in a position of being your higher power.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Three: God is the truth and no person or group of people are capable of being the truth.
The third contradiction is the abuser may act like he/she knows everything and you should do everything he/she says but the source for truth is God. Your abuser is a person who has his/her own issues and limited life experience. He/she may speak their opinion but truth comes from God.
God is constant and never changing. People are in a state of constant change. If truth is a constant then it can only come from God.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: I affirm that you God are the only source of complete truth.
Psalm 86:11 Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth
Psalm 69:13 But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord, at an acceptable time; O God, in the greatness of Your loving-kindness, Answer me with Your saving truth.
Romans 1:18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Four: God didn’t make a mistake when He made me and anyone who says God made a mistake is not speaking from the word of God.
A forth contradiction is when the abuser may tell you to be who he/she wants you to be. Act the way he/she wants you to act. Think the way he/she wants you to think. Spend time with only the people of which he/she approves. Well, God created you and you were beautifully made. The behavior of an abuser gives the appearance that he/she thinks so highly of himself/herself that his/her words and actions appear to indicate that God messed up when He created you and he/she knows how to fix God’s mistakes if you do what he/she says.
God doesn’t make mistakes. God made you to be you. Only He knows who you have the potential to ultimately become. God made you for a purpose and you are the only one qualified to be you. That makes you special. Just as no one else can be you, it is a design for failure for you to try to be anyone else. If God had intended for you to be different from who you are He would have made you that way.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: God, I affirm that You made me and created me as I am. Nothing about me is a mistake and my life has a unique purpose.
Deuteronomy 32:4 “The Rock! His work is perfect, For all His ways are just; A God of faithfulness and without injustice, Righteous and upright is He.
Luke 6:42 You say to your friend, ‘Let me get that little piece of dust out of your eye.’ Why do you say this? Can’t you see that big piece of wood in your own eye? You are a hypocrite. First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to get the dust out of your friend’s eye.
Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Five: God gives me freewill. Even He does not try to control me.
Fifth contradiction is an abuser’s behavior is controlling. God however gives you free will. He even gives you the opportunity to choose for yourself if you believe in Him. In an abusive controlling relationship your free will is not welcome. Your actions are dictated by the controlling behavior of the abuser.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: God, you gave me free will and the ability to choose for myself.
John 8:32-33 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
Biblical contradiction against abuse Six: God relates to me with love not by fear.
In an abusive relationship you change your behavior in an attempt to keep the peace. This means you are acting out of fear. You try to minimize the potential anger and stay safe.
The worship of God and all our behavior as Christians comes from us sharing the love God shares with us.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: God, You use love to draw me to you, not fear.
Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
1 John 3:1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God;
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:12 No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.
Proverbs 11:29 He who troubles his own house will inherit wind, And the foolish will be servant to the wise-hearted.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Seven: God counsels me through the Holy Spirit and guides me to be the best me whom no other person is qualified to be.
The controlling behavior of an abuser is demanding you meet him/her where he/she are and implies that you are to be who he/she want you to be, such as gain weight, lose weight, wear the clothes he/she demands, to talk when he/she tell you to be.
God meets us where we are and the Holy Spirit provides counsel and guidance to help us to be refined by our experiences and to become who God plans for us to be.
In other words we are all flawed. Including the abuser. None of us are perfect and none of us have the ability to fix others. God knows us and he knows each of our flaws. God loves each of us and when someone loves you he/she doesn’t demand you be who he/she want you to be but he/she support you in becoming a better you when you are ready.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: If I need to change or need guidance, I believe that the Holy Spirit will help and direct me.
John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.
Luke 12:12 or the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
Romans 8:27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Roman 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Roman 13:11 Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.
Roman 13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all.
Roman 5:5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Eight: God is in control and His will prevails not ours.
The abuser wants what he/she thinks is best for himself/herself. He/she by controlling you implies he/she knows what is best for you also. But how can the abuser know of God’s will for you? He/she doesn’t have God’s knowledge or wisdom. The abuser is not a god. God wants what is best for you. He will meet all your needs if you follow him. Only, God knows what is best for you.
Whether in the home or on a world level, when God is not permitted to be first in your life, when someone else acts as if he/she is superior to you and controls you, consider whether it is the relationship you want or is it even the relationship you thought you could have if you could change all the things the abuser tells you to fix.
Focus on your relationship with God.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: I believe that your will for me and your plans for me are good. Help me put you first in my life.
Zephaniah 3;5 The Lord is righteous within her; He will do no injustice. Every morning He brings His justice to light; He does not fail. But the unjust knows no shame.
Ezekiel 34:12 As a shepherd cares for his herd in the day when he is among his scattered sheep, so I will care for My sheep and will deliver them from all the places to which they were scattered on a cloudy and gloomy day.
Psalm 72:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all.
Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Psalm 136: 1-9
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting.
4 To Him who alone does great wonders,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting;
5 To Him who made the heavens with skill,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting;
6 To Him who spread out the earth above the waters,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting;
7 To Him who made the great lights,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting:
8 The sun to rule by day,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting,
9 The moon and stars to rule by night,
For His loving-kindness is everlasting.
Matthew 6:9-11“Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. ‘Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. ‘Give us this day our daily bread.
Biblical contradiction against abuse Nine: God gives us His word to be used for His will not our own.
If you are required to see the abuser as superior to you and scripture is used to validate the controlling behavior, then the abuse can be identified as both emotional and spiritual.
Remember Jesus threw out the people in the Temple courtyard because they were making a worldly profit at the expense of others and using scripture to justify their own will.
God gave His Son to die for you that you may have a personal relationship with Him. Anyone who uses scripture for their gain and not for bringing others to God will face judgment from God.
God is the only one who knows what is best for anyone. He is the one who is worthy to be worshiped. No person on earth today is worthy no matter how much he/she demands it.
Abuse Prayer Affirmation: God, you are worthy of my worship. I worship and thank you for your saving power in my life through the gift of salvation through Christ.
Timothy 6:5 and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain.
Luke 15:16 And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.
Matthew 21: 12 – 13 And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. 13 And He *said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’; but you are making it a robbers’
Surviving and Overcoming Abuse Prayer
You are the only God. I believe there are no other Gods and I want to believe that I have no idols that I place ahead of you. However, out of fear of what the abuser may do I have gradually changed to where the abuser is the one I look to for everything.
I know that I cannot worship two things. I didn’t even realize clearly that my fears have resulted in You being placed below the abuser. I was going to church and reading my devotional but my behavior to keep the peace has placed the abuser ahead of You.
Because you know me and meet me where I am I know You forgive me and will guide me as I try to break free of the control I am currently under by the abuser.
Throughout history You have taken people who were not on the right path and used them for Your will. I find myself removed from You and want to get myself back to having You first in my life. Please help me to learn how to survive this abusive situation as I learn how to get out. Please be with me, watch over me, and guide me so that I may not have to continue living in abuse.
Please help me to regain my identity and return to the person you created me to be.
Lord, I was gradually manipulated into being who the abuser wanted me to be, someone he/she can control. I was diverted away from my walk with You. But You have been waiting for me to return. You have been lovingly, and patiently waiting for me to realize I have been the victim of both emotional and spiritual abuse.
Help me to focus on my relationship with You. Give me strength to reach out to those who can help me and give me courage to believe in myself.
Lord I know You are the truth. In my thoughts I am going to start to hear what the abuser has said as nothing but an opinion of another person and what You say as the truth.
It is challenging to even consider that I am in an abusive relationship. My tendency is to blame myself because the abuser repeatedly blames me for things that happen.
Lord you have helped me survive even though I have not put you first. I know You have been with me and will always be with me no matter what I face. Please help me to know your will and help me to become comfortable making my own decisions. I no longer want to live my life as though you made a mistake with me.
Your loving child,
Get help now if you are being abused.
If you are experiencing abuse you may decide you need to stay or it may be time for you to leave. Whether to stay or leave an abusive situation is complicated and has to be made by the individual involved. But have a safety plan.
Contact the Domestic Violence Hotline for a complete safety plan.
They should help you identify a complete safety plan and resources available to help you.
Please contact the hotline to help you through this. Do not confront the abuser directly about his/her behavior in an effort to change him/her. If you find yourself in a situation where you are scared you may be hurt leave if you can and call 911.
Domestic Violence: Suicide Hotline
PHONE: 404-525-3178 PHONE: 800-784-2433
To help you get started with your safety plan you may consider including the following:
THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE SAFETY PLAN BUT SUGGESTIONS OF THINGS YOU MAY CONSIDER DOING.
- Have a PO Box, a bank lock box or other safe place outside your home to keep items. A friend’s home is not always the best place because sometimes with the best intentions he/she tell your abuser your plans or your abuser easily identifies who would help you.
- Make copies of the following items:
- Social security card
- Health Insurance card
- Birth certificate
- Marriage license
- Car title
- Insurance documents
- Separation/divorce papers
- Drivers license
- Credit card that is in your name only that the abuser doesn’t have access to for tracking purchases.
- Prescription medications like you have set aside in an emergency preparedness bag.
- Have a change of clothes somewhere outside the home for every one that may leave the home with you including you.
- NEVER fight in the kitchen or bathroom. It is easy to get trapped in these rooms and contain lethal items. Stay in a room that gives you access to leave.
- Keep car keys accessible and near an exit.
- Call the police if you fear physical harm.
- Do not touch the abuser unless you decide it is necessary to defend yourself because if the abuser can show any evidence of physical harm from you then you may be at risk of being charged with domestic violence.
What to do if someone you know is being abused.
If you know someone being abused it is important for you to continue to be patient with him/her. It typically takes several attempts to leave before a person is able to. Also, if you demand that he/she has to leave because it is what you believe is right then you are removing the persons freewill. You can be helpful by giving them a safe place to come to or support when they decide to leave the situation. Remember you only know what he/she has told you. There may be more to the situation than you are aware of.
If you witness the abuse then you can contact 911 or the department of children services for your area.
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